Wild Me....

Adalye Erin Rose, age 6 ~ Wendy Kaye Rose, age 36.

I have been wild this week. Actually, it reached it's peak on Thursday. Everything bothered me. I was fluctuating between anger and tears, sometimes both. I have been a mess. I have said things I shouldn't. The tone of my voice and words have not been pleasant. All day yesterday I spent asking myself, what is wrong? Am I having a menopause attack, panic attack, or a pity party? I haven't been sleeping. Things that would never bother me, suddenly greatly bother me. I went to bed last night thinking, am I going NUTS? Do I need to go on medication? In my prayers, I have been asking for forgiveness and at the same time requesting understanding of what was going on.

Well this morning, my prayers were answered. I am suffering a bit of PTSD. On August 20, 2007, my mother's life was returned to her by the mercy of Jesus Christ. Thursday, was the second anniversary of this event. I will never forget rushing her to the hospital by ambulance, or the Dr.'s telling me she was in V-Tach and not breathing. I remember screaming at them, "What in the world are you doing talking to me, get back in there and help her." I will never forget literally climbing my husbands body, crying hysterically and at the same time screaming prayers. I remember a nurse coming and asking me if I needed something to calm me down. And, I remember screaming at her, "All I need is Jesus." I will never forget the way she looked at me and said, "What are you going to do if he doesn't come?"

To make a long story short, Jesus did arrive. My Mom did not require resuscitation. She "converted" herself. She survived major abdominal surgery, constant cardiac arrhythmia's and a few psychotic episodes. All with a No Code Advance Directive in place. This directive was of her request. For 16 days, I never left her side. Just as I did for the next two months during her recovery.

There have only been two other times in my life when I have been this frightened. The day my son died and the afternoon that Addy went into DKA. Each time I begged Jesus to spare the lives of my loved ones. Two times He did. One time He didn't. I have no idea why Addy and my Mom were spared and Mark wasn't. As I have grown older, I have also been able to acknowledge another gift from Jesus. Even though Mark died, he did not suffer in doing so. I now accept that Marks life on earth was simply over. Nothing would have saved him. God determined it was time for Mark to go to heaven. How grateful I am, that He took Mark in a way that I didn't even notice his passing. To me, this is a great gift.

We have been promised, we will never be tempted beyond that which we can endure during our time on this earth. I am not sure that I could have endured watching Mark die a slow death from cancer, or anything really painful. Yet, I also know that through Christ all things are endurable. I may be tempted to give up on Christ, but why would I? I have been promised that through Christ I can endure all things, all temptations.

I pray everyday for strength to be able to accept life and what life gives me. So far, I have been greatly blessed. I have been given the strength to do just that. I also know that as I pray for strength, with each day I become stronger. So, what does this mean? It means, that which I could not do yesterday... .I will be able to do today, or tomorrow. Through Christ, my armor grows thicker.

As of this Thursday, August 20, 2009, I will have two anniversary's to remember, and two events of which I can give praise. My mother's return to life, and now, my daughter's diagnosis of Celiac Disease. It is only through Him, I have gained my strength. Even though I am strong, I am also weak. I will always feel sadness that my darling, beloved daughter must give up her many of her favorite foods. But, in the same token, I will always give praise that Wendy's Celiac was discovered before something happened so horribly as did my Mother. Mama was tested for Celiac yesterday, August 21, 2009. She just turned 88.

1 Corinthians 10:13 (New International Version)
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Isn't This Great....

Last May my husband Bob went to the Dr. with terrible pain in his left hand. To his knowledge he had not suffered an injury. My Dr. ordered an x-ray to rule out pathology. Bob has arthritis in his hand. We were grateful it was not something more sinister.

To make a long story short, BC/BS refused to pay for the x-ray because there was no associated accident and nothing other than pain to suggest pathology. I have been fighting with them for 2 months to pay a $41.00 bill. Well, no way, no how, was BC/BS going to pay. I call that private insurance rationing of medical care.

So, I submitted it to Medi-Care which is Bob's secondary insurance. Guess what? Within 2 weeks we were notified that Medi-Care paid the bill. Mmmm, medical insurance run by the government accepted pain as a legitimate complaint.

Now please try to convince me that a single payee or a public option health insurance which includes coverage for pre-existing conditions like Type One Diabetes and Celiac is a bad system for health insurance.

In this country, people go all the time without cancer treatment. The uninsured. People die every day even without hospice. The uninsured. If Addy was to rely on obtaining health insurance for T1D by herself, she would be denied care. She would be un-insurable due to her pre-existing conditions. Her parents would be mandated to cover her care until all assets were gone, meaning house, cars, and jobs. Then...she may be covered by MCHIP, although this is not a given. Remember, Dear Bush cut all funding to MCHIP. President Obama restored it, but with a giant fight. MCHIP is the federal aid which is offered to children who are too poor for parents to provide medical insurance. This is the only way that these children are able to seek care.

I have worked in public health most of my career in nursing, public hospitals,(when they had them) prisons, communicable disease, mental health, tobacco education and cessation classes, immunizations, nutrition, school nurse, public clinics, etc. Believe me, We do a good job. Look at Tri-Care which is the program for Military Dependents and Retired Military. Runs good to me, my Mom is a participant. Look at the care given to the Military. Runs pretty good to me. I had my best friend diagnosed with stage IV Melanoma. He was uninsured because he could not afford the premiums at age 64 and he was to young for Medi-Care. Had he not been a Vietnam War Vet, he would have received no care for his cancer. Through the military he was given state of the art treatment which extended his life for 14 months. His first prognosis was 8 weeks. Had he not had his military benefit to fall back on, he would have had no way to receive his cancer treatment. He would have been sent home to die.

I AM GETTING OLD. I AM GETTING TIRED OF THIS FIGHT WHICH I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING SINCE 1972. I AM GETTING TIRED OF SCREAMING HEALTH CARE IS A RIGHT, NOT A PRIVILEGE. I have no money now due to the banking crisis. I am not afraid of the little bit of tax IF it was required to make health care for all happen.

I am fearful that I might not live long enough if this time Health Care Reform is not passed. I want to be assured that Adalyne Erin Rose and all of my grandchildren, no matter what their health problem will always have the benefit of health care. Please email your representatives and demand that Health Care Reform be passed. (click here) Whenever God decides, I want to die happy, not filled with worry over this problem. I am exhausted from this particular fight. I have fought this battle for too long. Please Help this important issue.

Pumping Saves Lives....

These are the last picture of Addy and Kaelyn before they got on the plane to go to AZ. I look terrible, but then I felt that way. The reason I am posting these pictures is because of Addy. Look at Addy's little bruised head. Addy always had these types of bruises. They are from terrible diabetic lows. She would just pass out. In MD, no matter how hard Wendy tried, she could never get Addy's diabetes in good control.

This has all changed. As soon as Addy met Dr. J in AZ, she started pumping. Pumping has changed Addy's life. Do I like the separation which this move has required? No! Is the separation worth it.....YES! Every last second. I give praise every day. I honestly feel that because of Dr. J and PCH we still have Addy alive and well. And for that....I would give my life. In my one of my last posts I lamented my fears of Addy loosing her health insurance in case of her Daddy's job loss. Well, yesterday Wendy called me at work to tell me that their health insurance had been eliminated by the state of AZ. Their family was still going to be covered, but she had to choose a different health insurance that perhaps did not offer the same level of coverage. WOW!

So, in this post I am going to shout:

DON'T YOU GET IT???

THE HEALTH INSURANCE INDUSTRY IS JUST LIKE THE THE BANKING INDUSTRY. THEY ARE FAILING!!! REMEMBER AIG??? THEY ARE AN INSURANCE COMPANY. OUR FINANCIAL SYSTEM ALSO FAILED. THE EXECUTIVES OF HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANIES MAKE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS AND THEIR EMPLOYEES GET BIG BONUSES FOR REFUSING TO PAY CLAIMS. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE BANKING INDUSTRY AND THE HEALTH INSURANCE INDUSTRY.......THERE IS NO FDIC INSURANCE PROTECTING YOUR BENEFIT OR YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY PAID IN PREMIUMS. IF YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANY GOES UNDER, SO DOES YOUR COVERAGE. WE HAVE JUST A LITTLE TIME TO SAVE OUR OUR NECKS. DOESN'T THIS CURRENT RHETORIC SOUND JUST LIKE THE BANKS BEFORE THIS MOST CURRENT STOCK CRASH? "DON'T WORRY, YOUR MONEY IS SAFE WITH US." WE BELIEVED OUR FINANCIAL PLANNERS AND SO WENT OUR SAVINGS AND 401'S.

PEOPLE GET ON BOARD WITH OUR PRESIDENT. HE IS TRYING TO SAVE YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE WITH A PUBLIC OPTION. IF THIS IS DEFEATED AND YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE CARRIER GOES UNDER......YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE COVERAGE WILL GO DOWN WITH THEM. SO WENT YOUR 401, SO WILL YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE COVERAGE. WHY DO YOU THINK THE HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANIES THEY ARE PUTTING UP A FIGHT??? THEY WANT YOUR MONEY BECAUSE THEY ARE IN SUCH FINANCIAL JEOPARDY FROM POOR FINANCIAL MANAGING. JUST LIKE THE BANKS. DO YOU WANT TO BAIL THEM OUT NEXT?? WELL BE PREPARED, WE CAN'T HAVE A WHOLE NATION FILLED WITH PEOPLE WITH NO MEDICAL CARE. DON'T THINK FOR ONE MOMENT THAT THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN. YOU WILL WAKE UP ONE MORNING WITHOUT MEDICAL COVERAGE, JUST LIKE YOU WOKE UP ONE MORNING WITHOUT YOUR 401. DO NOT GIVE IN TO SCARE TACTICS. DO NOT BE AFRAID OF THE FEAR MONGERS. BE AFRAID OF YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE CARRIER, BECAUSE ALL OF THEM ARE IN BIG TROUBLE. DO YOUR RESEARCH AND FIND OUT FOR YOUR SELF.

OK, I am finished screaming.

Good News......

On July 20, 2009, I went to my Dr. because I had become concerned about a few skin lesions. I am a natural red head who spent most of my young summers baking in the California sun. I have lots of moles and lots of freckles. I have never been too concerned about skin cancer. Cancer of any kind does not run in my family. But, last year I started noticing a few spots on my left arm. The arm which is most often exposed to the sun when I drive. Also, I noticed a little pearl like growth on the septum of my nose.

Sometime this Spring, I noticed that all three of these spots seemed to change. One started to look like a wrinkled moon like crater, one started to spread, and one just got bigger. So, after contemplating for a few months, I decided to have them checked. The picture is the big one on my arm. Actually to the naked eye, it looked like a big freckle.

At my first appointment, my Dr. said he thought that he could zap them with his laser. He put on his magic magnifying glasses with the ultra violet lights and checked out my little nuisances. He really took his time....lots of time. He turned off his magic glasses and sat down on the stool next to me. He looked me dead in the eye and said, "I am sorry, but these do not look good. Come back next week, I need to get a pre-auth for three "tumor" excisions with pathology. What????

So, I went back the next Monday for my tumor excisions. When he finished, I felt like my arm looked like Frankenstein's and my septum looked worse. I had a total of 37 sutures and due to a blood disorder, I was very bruised. Wow, I thought, I have to go to work looking like I have black hair growing out of my nose, and have been in a knife fight. My Dr. couldn't do much about the awful way my nose looked, but he did give me several colors of "magic tape" to wrap my arm wounds to match my scrubs. Love ya, Dr. Y.M. for the color coordination!

I went back two more times for infection checks and special wound cleaning. Unfortunately, the excisions were very deep. Each time I asked if the pathology was back. Each time he said NO. He explained that the labs, ( he sent samples to three) could take up to 15 days for results. On my last wound visit my Dr. told me he was very concerned and to expect more work to be done on my arm and nose. Another, Wow!

Well, I just got a call from my Dr. I know it is Sunday, but he is a really good Dr. He told me not to get too excited but that he did get the results from one lab and wanted to put my mind at ease...a bit. He told me that he would not relax until he had the results from all three labs. But, I am taking his information as heading in the right direction. He told me that he was very surprised with this pathology report. Actually, I was too.

Lab number one states: Benign sub dermal neoplasm with clean edges with negative pathology.

Thank you, Jesus! The entire time that I was under his very expert knife, I was praying for strength to accept whatever was found. I also prayed for negative results.

I am not out of the woods yet, I still have to wait for the results from two more labs. I also have to complete a comprehensive skin check with the possibility of more excisions. Something, that I will have to endure every six months due to my many moles and skin lesions. Freckles are skin lesions? Yes....they are. All sutures will be removed tomorrow. My nose can hardly wait.

Again, I have been blessed by a merciful and holy God.

Please pray for continued good results.

July 17, 2009, 8:17PM

All pathology reports are in. All are negative without any evidence of malignancy. Gosh, what an icky word is that. I have been praying for many children from Cole's Foundation. Please take the time to whisper these precious names to Jesus.