Who Are You?

I have spent a great deal of time the last few days reflecting on the death of Jesus. During this time, I have wondered which person I would had been if I were called to participate in the Easter story. Certainly not the Mother of Jesus, Mary. Nor, the friend of Jesus, Mary Magdalene. I am sure I would never have been called to be one of his disciples. Knowing my personality, I probably would have been one of those who followed him in secret, if at all. 2000 years ago it would have been very dangerous to follow Jesus openly.

The people who really know me, do know that I skirt away from all hint of danger. I don't like roller coasters, scary films, dark side walks, or driving alone late at night. I don't like to be the first to open my place of business, I am not fond of planes, strange places, or dark elevators. I dislike hospital emergency rooms, or any place that gets butterflies going in my stomach. To me, anxiety feels like a cutting knife. I also know that there is a reason why I feel this way. On June 15, 1978 I was frightened so severely that I didn't think I was ever going to survive the day, let alone another day, or week, or month, or year.

I wasn't sure that I was going to survive the day Wendy told me that she had a tumor on her ovary and required immediate major surgery. What about the baby she was carrying? What was going to happen to Wendy, and what was going to happen to my grandchild? Or, the time when I received the call from Wendy telling me to jump in my car and meet her at SMDHC. Adalyne was in DKA. Or, the next day when the Dr. said that Addy had suffered cerebral edema. I was sure my life was over 2 years ago when I was told that my Mother was in ventricular tachycardia and required intubation. I almost collapsed when my good friend of 40 years called and told me that he had stage IV melanoma and his death was imminent. Each of these instances frightened me so much that I was surprised that I survived the episode.

Do I think that I would have been a warrior for Christ 2000 years ago? Honestly, I don't know. All in all, I am quite weak. So, who would I have been if I had played a part in the Easter Story? Well, I think maybe, I would have been one of the thieves on Calvary who was being crucified with Jesus. Not that I am a dishonest person, but I may have been frightened into doing things that were wrong out of fear. For in reality, I am not very brave. And, when it comes to dishonesty, I am not very smart. I am sure that I would have been caught red handed.

Since, I have decided that I would have been one of the thieves crucified with Jesus, which one would I have been? I do have good qualities about my personality. I do speak up for those who are underdogs, me included. When faced with a wall, I do push back with all my strength. I do accept responsibility for my actions, and I don't hold grudges. Which thief would I have been?

I hope with all my heart and being, I would have been the last person to defend Jesus. I hope that I would have been the thief who yelled, "Don't you fear God since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But, this man has done nothing wrong." Then he turned to Jesus and said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom."

This thief, sizes up the reason for this Easter season. This thief took responsibility for his actions, and asked forgiveness for his sins. His longing request for forgiveness, was answered when Jesus said, "Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise."

In the end, when this thief had nothing to give, and he was getting his just punishment, he reached out not only to defend Jesus, but he also accepted him as Lord. For this act, Jesus blessed him.

Yes, of all the players, I want to be this thief. For it is he that I identify with the most. I am a confessed sinner and through the grace of Jesus Christ, I have been promised forgiveness with an eternal place with Him.

Tomorrow, Is Good Friday...

Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing"

~Luke 23:34~

"Power, no matter how well-intentioned, tends to cause suffering. Love, being vulnerable, absorbs it. In a point of convergence on a hill called Calvary, God renounced the one for the sake of the other."

~Philip Yancy~

"In that old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine,
A wondrous beauty I see,
For 'twas on that old cross Jesus suffered and died,
To pardon and sanctify me."

~George Bennard, 1913~

Easter is not just a story, as a Christian, it is an experience.

Which Grandchild Am I Holding?

Recently, I received an email which made me think. In this email a friend who had visited my blog said that I should not title my blog Grandma 2 Candy Hearts. In her view, I was showing favoritism towards Adalyne. She stated that most of my posts were about her. Therefore, I should title my blog "Grandma 2 Addy."

I am a mature adult. I appreciate feedback from everybody. To me, it makes no difference if the feedback is positive or negative. Listening to all perspectives allows me insight into the way that other people think and also allows me insight into how I am perceived by others. To me, feedback is a good thing. Feedback means that someone has taken their precious time to think about me.

But, this particular feedback took me by surprise and I have given it much thought. I have no intention of explaining, or defending the title of my blog, nor what I write. Although, I do want to say to those who come across this blog, I compose many posts which have absolutely nothing to do with being a grandparent.

However to this specific feedback, I am simply going to give an analogy. When I was 32, my husband and I had an opportunity to adopt a two day old infant. Steven is my third child. At the same time, I was pregnant with my fourth child, Todd. Steven was born on August 10 and Todd was born on December 1. The boys are exactly three months and 21 days apart. Our family was ecstatic! I must admit that our family was also an enigma. In all my years, I have never come across another mother who could relate to me exactly in this way.

One day, I was approached by a friend who asked, "If each of your babies are crying, which baby do you pick up first?" I was a bit taken back by this question. The person made if very clear that she was trying to find out if I felt partiality towards Todd, over Steven. I looked her square in the eye and stated, the one who is crying the loudest. During this time many asked, which son is adopted? My standard answer was always the same. I smiled and responded gosh,..I forgot. With my answer, the topic of conversation was always changed.

This is also how I look at ALL of my grandchildren. To those who ask which grandchild is my favorite I say, each is such an unique individual they cannot be compared. Therefore, each is my favorite. As far as who or what I write about...stay tuned!