Just by chance, I discovered that my first and favorite pediatrician died at the age of 84 on January 12, 2003. In my heart, I thought Dr. Tolmach would live forever. He was the pediatrician to my children for only 5 short years. But, to this day, I treasure his advice. Dr. Daniel Tolmach was a no nonsense, Mama loving pediatrician. He was highly competent and his practice was far ahead of its time. Dr. Tolmach routinely researched in his office about antibiotic resistance in the late 60’s. This was the time in which antibiotics were given out like candy. He was outstanding in his ability to diagnose difficult and complex child health problems. He was the father of six. Dr. Tolmach had no problem telling a Mom exactly who was the boss in the mother-child relationship. So, on this day and in this post, I would like to share some of Dr. Tolmach's advice to Mothers:
A Mother‘s greatest responsibility is to raise her child to live and survive alone in the world. Love is a glorious by product of this responsibility.
Your child only has one Mother. When he screams that he hates you, smile. Your poor child does not understand one fact; although, he only has one mother, there are many more like him to be had.
Every child needs a nap or quiet time every day. Not only is a well rested child healthier, but more importantly, the mother is happier.
Never let your child hit you. This behavior often shows its ugly little head around the age of two. If your child hits you. Pick him up, hold him on your lap with his arms to his side for 5 minutes. While he is screaming, whisper in his ear, “You will never hit Mommy.” When or if it happens again, extend the time by five minutes. Usually after 3 times, your child will be cured of this unacceptable behavior.
Mothers are in charge of food. It is their responsibility to choose what and when their child will eat and drink. The child is in charge of how much he will eat. Never force a child to eat. If he refuses to eat at a meal, excuse him from the table. Do not allow him another bite of food until the next meal. Kids eat well when they are hungry. A mother is not a short order cook, unless your child is diabetic.
Mother decides on bedtime. Children decide when they will go to sleep. Don’t be hood winked by little tricks that children use to leave the bedroom. This may result in mom standing at the door refusing her child to leave the room and the child screaming at the top of his lungs. Stand firm. After about 3 times of not giving in, the child will know that when mom decides it is bedtime, this is exactly what she means.
Never allow sassy words. Use liquid hot pepper on the first word. Just a tiny drop on the tip of your finger will do. After one tiny dab, showing the bottle is all that will be necessary. Carry a small bottle in your purse. Mother’s are never to allow themselves to be abused by their children. If you allow your child to abuse you, the most important person in their world, children will learn that it is OK to abuse other’s who do not hold your supreme status.
Do not wait until Daddy gets home. You are strong enough to discipline your child whom you labored for his existence. Dad would have given up during the first contraction.
Children need to become accomplished in one thing. They need to be really good at doing ONE thing. They do not need to be average in many. It is your job to help them to decide what that one thing is.
Help your child to develop a healthy ego, not an over healthy ego. Over healthy egos embellish a child to entitlement.
Every child needs to learn by age 3 to sit for 15minutes without entertainment. Kitchen stools are the best place for training to take place. Train every day and never miss this important tool of child management. People spend hours everyday training pets, but often refuse to take the minutes required to train their children to be well behaved and respectful.
Let your child fail. Better to learn young that there is always someone smarter than they are.
The older a child becomes, the more tired he needs to be. A tired child does not have enough energy to get into trouble. Make sure there are holes to dig, races to run, and work to do. If there isn't, be creative and make it.
Never pay a child to be a member of the family. He belongs because he was born. Money should be used to meet his needs and a few wants.
Never use food as a reward. All you will have is a fat and unruly child.
A happy child is important, but a calm mother who is not frazzled is imperative.
A disrespectful child, becomes a disrespectful teen. A disrespectful teen, becomes a disrespectful adult. A disrespectful adult, becomes an abusive parent.
A mother is a tiger who will give her life protecting her cubs. Children never understand this type of love until they too, become the tiger.
God Speed, Dr. Tolmach….and thank you.
